Dead Already (The Trainer)

When I started work at this call center
I had to complete a training course
that lasted two weeks.
Our trainer was a guy named Huck Finn.
No joke.
He was very short, bald, and really funny looking.
He looked like if the Silver Surfer
were pink instead of silver.
He introduced himself to the class
told us a bit about who he was.
First off
he asked if anyone had seen 'Fast Times at Ridgemont High'.
"You know Spicoli in that movie? That was me in high school."
He went on to tell us he had been in
Special Ops in the Air Force.
Went on to teach elementary school
and now here he was teaching telemarketers how to
sell HBO & Cinemax upgrades to satellite TV customers.
Then he beamed with joy
mentioning his six month old son
and his life goal was to have a shack on the beach
drinking Corona's all day and teaching his son to surf.
But when he mentioned his baby's mama
his girlfriend (not fiance or wife, just his girlfriend)
he had that look about him.
That broken and defeated look
no mistaking it
unhappy and trapped.
Once upon a time
I had that look too.
He quickly changed the subject
going on about
iPhone, iPad, and the man cave he had made for himself
in the garage.
All the little distractions, from the man made prison
he kept himself locked up in.
A well paying job, a big house, a sports car, the latest gadgets,
all the signs of success, yet he was missing something.
The fire, the spark, was vacant from his eyes.
Then a few days later
he just came out with it all.
Someone in class asked if he had any plans
to marry his baby's mama.
"Well....to be honest....I was gonna break up with her, but then she got
pregnant and I've kinda been stuck with her ever since."
I couldn't believe he actually said it.
"Stuck with her..." the words echoed in my brain.
I just sat there, shaking my head in disbelief.
He was one of millions
living a life he didn't want
out of obligation & circumstance.
He continued his confession to the class, sitting on a desk
his legs crossed like a female.
"...and she says all the time how miserable she is with me. I just don't get it.
I'm not a drunk or a druggy. I don't yell or hit her..."
'Maybe you should', I thought.
"I don't know....nothing makes her happy. So...that's a big reason why I spend
a lot of my time in the man-cave I built...to avoid her. But...okay. Let's review..."
then that fake smile came back to his face
and he resumed teaching the class
about the benefits and features of premium movie channels.
A week later
we returned from a three-day weekend
and Mr. Huck Finn looked ten times more miserable
than before.
Someone in the class
asked what was wrong with him and if he was okay.
He said that basically
over the three-day weekend
he had found out that his girlfriend
was making secret plans
arrangements
to cheat on him with another man.
But they had 'talked things out'
and now everything was just peachy-keen.
I was amazed.
No balls
no guts
no brains
none.
She ran the show
and he paid the tab.
It was all up to him
he held all the power
and he didn't even know it.
I still see him sometimes
training the next class of drones
he walks around with that forced smile
the one he's practiced to perfection.
I sit and I watch him
on the call center floor
he smiles, showing someone something
pointing to the computer screen
then he walks to the back of the room
leaning against the wall
he doesn't know I'm watching him
but I see it happen.
His fake smile fades
and the grim look of that broken man
appears.
He's one of millions.
The latest gadgets, iPhone, iPad, big screen 3D TV, surround sound, the sports car,
all the signs of success
with no direction, but down.
To a place worse than hell.
He's already fucking dead.
He just doesn't know it yet.