Video Nasty

Originally we got together the band
so I could do an Elvis Presley tribute act.
Everyone was always saying how I could make a killing
as an Elvis impersonator.
But the day we actually all got together
when we were all setup
we just started playing
Ramones and Cramps songs.
We tried playing 'That's Alright Mama'
but it just sounded like The Sex Pistols or something
all speed up and manic.
When we finished it
we all looked at each other and laughed our asses off.
On bass, Dick Gonzo, my ex-wifes sassy gay best friend.
On drums, Evelyn or 'Bevz' as I called her. She was a fine looking woman and played the drums like an animal.
On guitar, Monty, my best friend and partner in crime.
We both felt called by Rock'n'Roll, we were obsessed with it.
It consumed us.
So we started practicing
getting down a sets worth
and we immediately started playing out.
None of us could really play our instruments
but when we finally started playing shows
we went all out
full throttle
we got buck wild.
Our very first show
was at the greatest dive bar in town
the P.V.
Every friend from every crowd that we hung with was there.
Tables got overturned
glasses broken
beer everywhere
people slipping and falling
left and right.
I grabbed a hold of two mic stands
like a pair of ski's
my feet slipping back and forth comically
it was like a goddamn Benny Hill bit.
That night we only had six song for our first show
after we had played the last one
the packed shoulder to shoulder
little dive bar
was begging for more.
We knew a couple covers
'Search & Destroy' by The Stooges'
and
'Human Fly' by The Cramps.
It was like I'd always hoped it'd be.
Like all those videos
I'd seen
studied
from the 70's & 80's
where the people in the crowd were just going apeshit.
Expelling every ounce of energy we had
giving it all up to the crowd
and them sending it right back.
When we finished the final song
I walked outside
the cool March air washing over me
steam rising off my shoulders
my lungs breathing fire.
It was greater than sex.
So after that first show
we never looked back
kept practicing getting tighter and tighter
booking as many shows as we could.
We quickly garnered a reputation around town
as that 'crazy band'.
With the singer that takes his clothes off
and dances around like a maniac.
We were doing something totally different than anyone else in town
a combination of Punk, Rockabilly, and Garage Rock
frantic, manic, and sloppy Rock'n'Roll.
So when we'd be playing with
the Crust Punks, Grindcore, whatever
in an industrial area
playing in a concrete storage space, with graffiti covering the walls
they didn't know what to make of us.
Loading in the gear and setting up
I could hear the Punks talking shit
"Hey check out fuckin' Elvis. I wonder if they're gonna have a Psychobilly freak out?"
and they all cracked up
chains, rags,and spikes on their big boots
real tough.
But when we started playing
I saw those same punks
when we ripped into that first song
they looked at each other and shrugged
jumped into the growing circle pit.
We gave them no choice but to get their asses
moving and shaking.
And the shit only got deeper from there.
For as crazy as I could get
my band mates gave me a run for my money.
Dick, Bevz, and Monty
all got crazy wen drunk.
Started fights and arguments
while I'd stand by laughing to myself.
We were interviewed by The State Press
one night at the P.V.
It started off with the four of us
and the redhead reporter
sitting at a table answering questions and sipping beers.
By closing time
Bevz and Dick were yelling at each other in the parking lot
the acid Monty had taken
finally kicked in
he was hanging upside down in a tree
speaking truth
as I made out with the reporter by her car.
But that's just the kinda stuff that happened
when we hung out
it's what we did.
At Hollywood Alley
I got totally naked onstage
tucking my dick back
completely out of my head
my eyes bloodshot and raging.
We were asked not to return.
I set up a show at the nursing home I worked at
playing in the summer heat
as the seniors chain smoked cigarettes and didn't budge.
One lady from the Dementia Ward was dancing her ass off though.
Playing a packed house at the Yucca Tap Room
we brought it down.
The bigger the crowd, the better we played.
We fed off energy and in turn
gave all we had.
After a set I was physically wiped out
I usually had whatever girl I was with
take me home early and rest up.
Usually with cuts, scrapes, and scratches all over my torso.
Every year during Pride week
we'd play shows for the roller derby girls
at Ginger's house
everyone in the band dressed in drag.
Me laying on the ground
my hand in between my legs and under my dress
really cuttin' loose.
We were a fun band
and it was a party wherever we were.
After working whatever shit job I had
all week long
waiting to play again
I quickly became addicted to it all
getting all that energy out
feeling like one of the Gods
with that microphone
looking over at my best friend
while he nailed a staggering solo
that crooked smirk he got
when he was in his zone.
It was gave us both something
that most people never get
something the richest men in the world
Kings and Queens will never have
like Howlin' Wolf said,
"And they don't even know about it."
It was something I never knew existed.
That feeling when you're singing
everything you got
bursts of words
pumping out from your gut
like a shotgun
completely surrounded by a crowd of people
yet at the same time
you're completely alone.
In a place where money, class, and all the rest of it
no longer matter
fuck
they don't even exist.
You can get there if
you don't try
if you just
get lost in it.
The thing that's been hypnotizing young men and women
since 1954.
Get you some raw power.