The Bike Thief in the Hot Pink Thong

Fifth grade
outside there as a little amphitheater area
a large concrete stage with rows of stairs
a grassy spot for us kids to sit on.
The principle was up there
talking about something.
To the right of the stage
were the racks where everyone kept their bicycles.
During the principle's speech
a small man ran up to the bike racks
in a belly shirt
dirty white sneakers with big, hot pink, laces
and a hot pink thong to match.
His bare ass
jiggling and bouncing
as he hopped on one of the unlocked bikes
and started to peddle away on it.
I remember
all the kids
half of us screaming
half of us laughing
the guy's big frizzy brown hair
and his ass in that thong
had me and my buddies in stitches with laughter.
He didn't get too far
our P.E. teacher
tackled him off the bike and onto the concrete.
The principle left the podium
and helped restrain him
until the security guard got there.
Then the principle put the bike gently back in the rack
and then continued his speech.
"Sorry about that children."
But I wasn't listening
just wondering
why in the hell
Richard Simmons had come to our school
and tired to steal a little girl's bike.