Hooks & Anchors

We've given it a shot twice
and both times it ended the same.
She got so tangled in her web of lies
that it brought everything
down down down.
I know she's no good for me
but it's not so easy to just let her go.
She came to visit last week
stayed with me a couple days.
But it wasn't awkward or weird
like you might think it would be.
Nope
it felt just like old times
it felt like home
she feels like home.
But there were these little moments
when I would remember
all her lies & all her bullshit
and the fact that we're not together.
Like after we had sex the first day of her visit.
Laying there
my head resting on her tits
out of breath and covered with sweat.
The thought entered my mind
about what a lucky guy I was to have her
but that was quickly pushed aside
by the truth.
I was laying in bed with the woman of my dreams
the one I can't have
because she cannot be trusted.
On on hand, no one every loved me better
and on the other, no one ever hurt me worse.
So as I'm laying there
thinking of all this
my cheek on her nipple
and I just blurted out what I was thinking
the obvious.
"This is sad. We're sad. Sad and pathetic people."
She tried to laugh it off
but I persisted.
"Seriously. We can't be together. There ain't no putting the pieces back together on this one and you know it. We both know it."
"Yeah..." She said, staring blankly, running her hand across my buzzed head.
"We can't have each other, but we can't forget about each other, so what do we do? Hook up for two days and pretend that it's all okay? Pretend, that you're not a liar and that I can trust you? It's just sad...we're sad. That's all I'm saying."
But neither of us said another thing about it, after that.
Just went on making believe
eating burritos and having sex
like we've always done.
She was here when the first copies of my book arrived.
It's only fitting.
Hell, she was the one that encouraged me to submit my writing in the first place
so I'm glad that she was here for that.
You know
I'd like to say that I'm done with her
that she'll never be back again
but I don't want to lie to you.
That's just how it goes sometimes.
When someone gets their hooks into your heart
real deep in there
it becomes too painful to do anything.
Pushing them away
letting them in close
it all tugs on the lines
attached to those hooks of theirs.
And goddamnit
if it don't hurt
like a motherfucker.