Hide Your Sister, Hide Your Wife

I knew it was gonna happen.
When I left my wife
and moved in with my best friend, Eddie,
I was barely done moving my stuff into my new room
when he asked casually asked me,
"Hey can I um...can I ask you something?"
"You can ask me anything, pal. Shoot."
"Well....would um...would you be upset if anything ever 'happened' with me and Amira? Like what if we dated?"
I stopped unpacking the box and walked over to him.
"You mean...would I be upset, if my best friend started fucking my ex-wife? The mother of my child? Yeah, I'd be upset. I'd probably break your fucking nose and never speak to you again. Does that answer your question?"
"Sorry man, it was just a thought..."
"Good. Keep it that way."
And we left it at that.
A year later
Eddie and I were on the porch
talking
I can't recall exactly how the conversation
got there
but he burst into tears
and told me, what I'd suspected all along.
He was in love with my baby's mama.
Eddie swore he'd never act upon it
but that he couldn't
keep this secret locked up inside
any longer.
"When her and I were married, you used to come hangout with us EVERY night. So really...who were you coming to see? Me or her?"
"Ah, no man, c'mon it wasn't like that-"
"Listen, I don't know how else to say this...the thought of my best friend and my baby mama fucking? Ugh. It makes me wanna puke my guts out."
Eddie had two tickets to see The Cure
tomorrow night.
As his best friend, I just assumed, I was going too.
You should never assume anything
cause when I asked, he said, "Well....actually, I already told Amira that I'd take her."
"JESUS CHRIST! What the fuck is WRONG with you, man? You've got some fuckin' balls..."
I snapped at him, the rage inside, immediately reaching a boiling point.
"Dude! It's not like that!"
"Whatever. Just forget it. Fuck me, right?!"
A few months later
my ex-wife started saying,
"You know... I'm gonna start dating Eddie..."
she said, with a smug and self-satisfied smile.
"Amira. Don't. Please. Seriously, he's my best friend and band mate. That'd make shit so fucking weird. Just don't. Please, be a decent person and don't cross that line."
"I'm not your wife anymore, remember? I can fuck whoever I want, I don't care if he is your best friend. I can do whatever I want. Or rather, whoever I want. Hahaha!"
Not too long after that
it started.
I called Eddie one day
to shoot the shit, like we always did.
"Yes?" he answered the phone.
"Hey pal, what you up to?"
"Nothing."
"Cool. How's shit going with you?"
"It's fine...."
and then silence.
"What's the matter with you? You alright, man?"
"Nothing, I'm find. I just don't have anything to say to you."
and it dawned on me.
"Oh. Right. How's Amira?"
I knew exactly what she was trying to do
divide and conquer.
But
she forgot
that I'm smarter than her.
So the next time I spoke with her,
"Look, I just wanted to tell you, that it's totally cool. You and Eddie. Enjoy that little four inch dick, as long as you want." I said, snickering.
"I already did. We fucked in the backseat of my car and it was AMAZING. We even came at the same time. It was beautiful."
"Cool. Well, like I said, have fun with that. Cause I really don't care anymore."
I never mentioned it to her again.
Later that week
she broke it off with him.
Eddie was completely beside himself.
"She was just using me to try and hurt you, I guess. The whole time. I feel so bad, man."
"Yup."
"I'm so sorry, man. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. That wasn't cool. I see that now."
And I let it go.
Didn't break his nose
didn't end our friendship.
We did the only thing we could do
pretend like it never happened.
However
after that shit went down
there were these little moments
like
when we'd be jamming at band practice
and Eddie would start playing
'My Best Friend's Girl' by The Cars
with this little smirk on his face
you know the one
and I'd stare at him
thinking to myself
'How am I still friends with this fuckin' guy?'