Hide Your Sister, Hide Your Wife

I knew it was gonna happen.
When I left my wife
and moved in with my best friend, Eddie,
I was barely done moving my stuff into my new room
when he asked casually asked me,
"Hey can I um...can I ask you something?"
"You can ask me anything, pal. Shoot."
"Well....would um...would you be upset if anything ever 'happened' with me and Amira? Like what if we dated?"
I stopped unpacking the box and walked over to him.
"You mean...would I be upset, if my best friend started fucking my ex-wife? The mother of my child? Yeah, I'd be upset. I'd probably break your fucking nose and never speak to you again. Does that answer your question?"
"Sorry man, it was just a thought..."
"Good. Keep it that way."
And we left it at that.
A year later
Eddie and I were on the porch
talking
I can't recall exactly how the conversation
got there
but he burst into tears
and told me, what I'd suspected all along.
He was in love with my baby's mama.
Eddie swore he'd never act upon it
but that he couldn't
keep this secret locked up inside
any longer.
"When her and I were married, you used to come hangout with us EVERY night. So really...who were you coming to see? Me or her?"
"Ah, no man, c'mon it wasn't like that-"
"Listen, I don't know how else to say this...the thought of my best friend and my baby mama fucking? Ugh. It makes me wanna puke my guts out."
Eddie had two tickets to see The Cure
tomorrow night.
As his best friend, I just assumed, I was going too.
You should never assume anything
cause when I asked, he said, "Well....actually, I already told Amira that I'd take her."
"JESUS CHRIST! What the fuck is WRONG with you, man? You've got some fuckin' balls..."
I snapped at him, the rage inside, immediately reaching a boiling point.
"Dude! It's not like that!"
"Whatever. Just forget it. Fuck me, right?!"
A few months later
my ex-wife started saying,
"You know... I'm gonna start dating Eddie..."
she said, with a smug and self-satisfied smile.
"Amira. Don't. Please. Seriously, he's my best friend and band mate. That'd make shit so fucking weird. Just don't. Please, be a decent person and don't cross that line."
"I'm not your wife anymore, remember? I can fuck whoever I want, I don't care if he is your best friend. I can do whatever I want. Or rather, whoever I want. Hahaha!"
Not too long after that
it started.
I called Eddie one day
to shoot the shit, like we always did.
"Yes?" he answered the phone.
"Hey pal, what you up to?"
"Nothing."
"Cool. How's shit going with you?"
"It's fine...."
and then silence.
"What's the matter with you? You alright, man?"
"Nothing, I'm find. I just don't have anything to say to you."
and it dawned on me.
"Oh. Right. How's Amira?"
I knew exactly what she was trying to do
divide and conquer.
But
she forgot
that I'm smarter than her.
So the next time I spoke with her,
"Look, I just wanted to tell you, that it's totally cool. You and Eddie. Enjoy that little four inch dick, as long as you want." I said, snickering.
"I already did. We fucked in the backseat of my car and it was AMAZING. We even came at the same time. It was beautiful."
"Cool. Well, like I said, have fun with that. Cause I really don't care anymore."
I never mentioned it to her again.
Later that week
she broke it off with him.
Eddie was completely beside himself.
"She was just using me to try and hurt you, I guess. The whole time. I feel so bad, man."
"Yup."
"I'm so sorry, man. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. That wasn't cool. I see that now."
And I let it go.
Didn't break his nose
didn't end our friendship.
We did the only thing we could do
pretend like it never happened.
However
after that shit went down
there were these little moments
like
when we'd be jamming at band practice
and Eddie would start playing
'My Best Friend's Girl' by The Cars
with this little smirk on his face
you know the one
and I'd stare at him
thinking to myself
'How am I still friends with this fuckin' guy?'

The Lost Boys Had The Right Idea

For most kids growing up
there is an adult world
and a kids' world.
Things are said and done
away from children's eyes & ears
they're sheltered and kept away
from grown-up bullshit.
I was not one of these sheltered kids
nope
I was along for the ride.
Whatever troubles my parents had
I was more often than not
stuck right in the middle of it all.
Having to listen to my Father
rant and rave about how my Mom was 'fucking niggers'
or my Mother forcing me to lie to my Dad
about how she wasn't out partying until dawn
with those urban cowboys from the bar.
Then of course
he'd find out that I had lied to him for her
and then I was in trouble
I was branded a 'liar'
for doing what my Mother told me to.
Ya just couldn't win with these fucking 'grown ups'.
Seeing my Dad all hopped up
on Meth & Cocaine
slamming my uncle's head into the kitchen cabinets
for leaving a plate of Coke under the couch in the living room.
Walking in on my other uncle
shooting up
riding the H-Train
in our bathroom
tied off with a belt.
I always swore that when I was grown up
I wouldn't be anything like them
would never put my own kids through
all that grown up bullshit.
That I'd do better
be better
than they were.
And today
in most ways
I am
better.
But still, the things my boy has seen & experienced, so far,
me, strung out on pills, spending all night on the porch
hitting the keys on the typewriter
while my son sat inside with the television babysitter
asking 'when are you gonna come inside and spend some time with me?'
that lonely look in his eyes, just like I once had, as a boy
that right there
made me pack it up and go inside.
Or making a promise to him
and then breaking it
that look of disappointment
split my heart in two.
My son's Mother, my ex-wife,
struggling to do it all on her own
during the week
asking me when I was gonna pay her some child support
and not having a dime to my name.
My son and I walking through 115 degree heat
to the bus stop
and the heartbreak I'd feel when he would
look up to me and ask
"When are you gonna get a car, Dad?"
and not having an answer for him
or even for myself.
Just drifting
floating aimlessly
having none of the answers
that my son so desperately needed.
I had become what I always swore I wouldn't.
A grown up
with all my grown up bullshit
and my sweet little boy
just along for the ride.
Sometimes
despite the best of intentions
history repeats itself
but you and I both know
that
it's never too late
to turn it all around
and get it right.

Until The Streetlights Told Us To Go Home

Are you ever standing in line at the grocery store
or at the bank
as you casually let your gaze
drift around the room
and you see a face
that could swear was your best friend
from the 4th grade?
One of those friends you have as a kid
who you only know for a short time
a year
 a summer
but for that time
you were the best of friends
laughing & playing
everday
like it would never end.
And then one day
either
they just didn't come back to school
or they made the dramatic summertime bike ride to your house
and the tearful explanation about how they gotta move.
You go on
gaining & losing more friends
the years pass with regularity
and you forget.
Then a stranger's face will remind you
of Paul, the kid from church, with the Indiana Jones videogame
or Johnny, the Albino kid, that you'd play X-Men with
and you stand there thinking about it
studying their face, finally deciding,
no, it couldn't be.
You watch them walk out
you pay for your things
and you go on
forgetting
those days of
laughing & playing
laughing & playing
until the streetlights came on
and told us all to go home.